Saturday afternoon Jonathon and I were having a movie day. It was a forced movie day by me because my young boy was feeling superior about not getting himself as into a scary flick as me. It started off on Friday night as he watched Deep Blue Sea. He thought it was cool and I was dialing a therapist about the rising water and the collapsing walls of the facility that was nestled in the middle of the ocean. All my fears in one movie (almost). I’m breathing into a paper bag and he’s thinking “Oooh cool sharks.” This was not cool by me. Why wasn’t he freaked out over ANY of it????

I needed him to feel the same fear from a campy yet well done flick that I felt. Ooooh he’d squirm and be terrified of ‘Arachnophobia’! Of course I was not going to prep him for this movie that hit upon the deepest and darkest phobia EVER… I tried to be sneaky and clever! I didn’t tell him what I was putting on the television as I scrolled through the listing of films. In fact, when I reached the name of the film, I did a “LOOK OVER THERE!” so he couldn’t read the name of the movie that was supposed to CARE THE bajeebus out of him.

I’m GOOD!

The movie began deep in the dark jungles of South America and I started to feel creeped out as the bugs fell out of the trees and into the containers that were strategically placed on the ground. I looked over at Jonathon out of the corner of my eyes- He was unmoved.

As the movie progressed and I was hoping he’d get wigged out, I was the one screaming and covering my eyes while spiders jumped out, bit, crawled onto and into and out of the most horrifying of places.

Jonathon laughed at my girly screams and then quickly went from ‘amused’ to extremely annoyed. “Oh my god Mom it’s just a movie! They’re fake! Sheesh!!!” I tried to keep my mouth shut so he would find himself in the same state of “EWWW spiders!!” that I was full force in. In fact, I had snuck around the corner and grabbed a Halloween prop/spider that drops and makes sound as soon as you make a startling sound around it… I dropped the spider next to and snickered while he looked at me not amused.

NOTHING! The boy was fearless or at least unmoved by film. Even at the end when Jeff Daniels is in the cellar and the spiders are covering the upstairs walls while he’s fighting the mega spider- Not even an ‘ew’. I’m squirming and cringing, darting my eyes around the room looking for spiders and webs and anything that had more than four legs and was smaller than a breadbox.

After the film was over with, I spied a movie in my collection “Cloverfield” it presents itself as a ‘found’ video. Hmmm… SOOO with theatrics and putting my story telling skills to use, I convinced him that this video was just found and I was trying to figure out what may have happened. I was hoping he’d solve the mystery for and with me.

This sleuthing opportunity had him intrigued especially since it takes place in NYC, our favorite city in the world.

Shortly after the movie starts he looks bored and disinterested, then as soon as the first BOOM sounds and the lights on the skyscrapers go out- I looked over and the color is drained from his body. I smirk and try not to laugh out loud at my clever antics. “Ooooh yeahhhhh….”

I kept pausing during various parts of the film as the creature appears on screen “OMG Jonathon… no… what was that??? It can’t be what I think it is…” Jonathon looked horrified as he assured me “It was a monster.”

This went on during the entire film and then at the end where he’s panicked and asking “Did they all die?!?!?!” I asked “Do you think they blew up the monster?” He looked at me seriously, “No… he was caught and is hidden.”

We went over escape plans and survival techniques should the monster escape and find its way to the Pacific NW and FINALLY… finally my child was terrified!

Granted he might be messing with me in order to get me to stop trying to scare him, but it was nice that for ONCE in the history of our movie viewing, he got into the story and didn’t see it as actors, scripts and special effects.

Child abuse? lol Maybe… but he was making fun of me for being scared by the fake spiders!!! It reminds me of the time when my daughter was unmoved by sad films and I went on a mission to find a film that would make her bawl like a little baby (because that’s what I kept doing)…