I had originally wanted to do this as a flow chart with little cartoons shortly before I hurt my drawing hand, and currently it’s about 75% functional right now- so here’s the next best thing:
Ever have one of those extremely boring evenings that has you pondering the most ridiculous things; such as:
- Why are wasps always so angry? Is it because we’re always screaming when we see them and try to kill them? Would they be nicer if we sang when we saw them instead?
- If I die in the next five minutes- I wonder how long it would take for any one to know I’m dead and who’ll find me. Hmmm… I should probably go clear out my closet and throw away a few things from under my bed.
- Have my feet always been this big, and why do my hands look like monkey feet? How come no one told I have monkey feet hands? Is that why people act awkward around me? They don’t want to make me feel bad about my monkey feet hands?
- I wonder if I’m really a ninja…
I can’t really answer the first three questions that plague mankind, but I can certainly help with question number four. If you’re wondering if you’re a ninja, then chances are you aren’t a ninja. Awww, fret not, there is still a *slight* chance you might have been a ninja all along and just weren’t aware of your ninja awesomeness. The ninjaverse is a complex place where many train their entire lives to be a ninja, while others are natural ninjas and have been sooo ninja that they had no clue they were ninja.
Read the question and the check the possible answers. Move forward accordingly.
1. Do you own a shinobi shozoku? If so, do you have one that’s black/dark blue, white, or green?
- Yes! I bought it for a party because I look so cool as a ninja! Hiiiiiyyyyyyywhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaah!
-Go away. You are either a fan boy or girl of the ninja and not a real ninja. You may read no further, go bug a pirate.
- Yeah, it was a gag gift because I’m such a klutz my friend thought it’d be funny to remind me of my shortcomings by giving me something that only people with grace and agility can wear.
-Awww, you aren’t ninja you poor thing, but don’t worry, we’ll take care of your *friends* for you.
- No, I don’t know what that is.
-You may proceed to the next question, you may still be ninja… just a nekkid ninja.
- I had to Google that word, and yes, I do own one. Odd though, I have no idea who gave it to me… it just kind of “appeared”.
-More than likely the ninja think you’re ninja and want you to embrace your ninjaness. You may proceed. Unless… you are an unaware klutz and your friends are stealthy jerks; if that’s the case we’ll “take care” of your friends.
2. Is it difficult to recall the last time you walked down a city street since jumping from rooftop to rooftop is typically your thing?
- HA! That is completely me! I’m always going from rooftop to rooftop ever since high school, my legs are like jelly when I have to actually ‘walk’ any where.
- You *might* be Spider Man. If your real name is Peter, you might want to check out here. Being Spider-Man is still cool, but he’s no ninja.
- Oui, j’aime toit en toit!!!!
-Sorry, you’re not a ninja, you’re a parkour enthusiast. It’s still cool though, you might want to try out for Ninja Warrior, home of the ninja wannabe’s but there’s a cash prize so go for it ^_^.
- I can’t help it, I don’t want people to see me and it’s much quicker going the way of the roof.
-You *may* be ninja or you might just have agoraphobia. Proceed and we’ll find out together.
- No, I’m afraid of heights.
-Why are you still reading this? You are not ninja, go away.
- No, I never tried it, but it kind of sound cool.
-You can possibly be ninja, a parkour potential OR a Spider-Man wanna be. Proceed and find out.
3. Do you own a grapple hook?
-You might be ninja, or you might just like grapple hooks. There’s also a possibility that you are Batman. Regardless, grapple hooks are cool and you own one. You may proceed because if even if you aren’t a ninja, you should be! Or even better… you’re Batman!
-What? Grapple hooks aren’t good enough for you?
–I didn’t say I don’t want one! I just meant I don’t have one (yet).
-Sorry, I took offense, you may proceed. It’s just a touchy subject. I love the grapple hook, it brings rays of sunshine into my dark existence, unless I want the darkness… then it just stays all stealthy like and hidden.
–No they aren’t good enough for me. What would I do with a grapple hook?
-What… What would you do with a grapple hook??!?!?!? OH MY GAWD! First of all you can easily toss it to get high… waiiiiit…. maybe you’re so ninja you don’t need a grapple hook. Ahhhh clever. You may proceed.
4. Have you startled people on multiple occasions because they didn’t hear or see you come in?
- All the time. People tend to joke about needing to put jingle bells on my feet so they can hear me.
-Keep it up, you may be ninja! But who knows, you might just have a really boring presence.
- No one sees me until I want them to see me.
-You can either be ninja or just a creepy stalker who’s really good at being creepy and stalking.
- Sorry, that’s never happened. People tend to see me long before I have a chance to run and avoid them.
-Not ninja, but congrats on making it this far. If this is still Spider-Man, I’m sorry… you can’t be ninja or Batman. Go web something.
5. What do you think of when you read the word ‘chopsticks’?
- Mmmm I could go for some Japanese cuisine.
-Me too, but your not ninja. End of the line for you, unless you bring me some. E-mail me a menu and we’ll discuss.
- I don’t see why people can’t just use forks and spoons.
-And I don’t understand why your mother opted not to use a condom. Not ninja! Be gone!
- 50 ways at LEAST to kill a man… Sorry, did that sound bad?
-Very good, I’m sensing a ninja here… or *not* sensing one (wink wink).
6. How are you with sharp objects?
- My family and friends won’t let me near them
-Awww, I understand completely. If you’re like me and recently severed a tendon… it’s just because they care and don’t understand. They just don’t want you to get “hurt”. Sometimes in order to understand a weapon, you must taste the weapons sting. Your family and friends are mean. Caring, but mean. Ignore them.
- Knives, paper, shards of glass, wit; if it’s sharp I can handle it, but can it handle me?
-That’s a little pompous… but yeah, I get it.
- Nooo thank you. I buy things pre-cut and try to stay clear of anything with an edge.
-How did you get to question 6? Peter??? I told you to go here!
- Very good… in fact I’ve already slashed your tires while you were writing this up.
-Well played ninja… or vandal.
If you made it this far, you’re either a ninja, cheater, or you won’t go away when told.
- If you’re a ninja, congrats! You are part of the stealthy elite! If you don’t own the kick ass wardrobe that comes with the awesomeness that is ninja, you may now go get or make one without ill-fated ramifications.
- If you’re a cheater- well, while you’re reading this, it’s already too late for you.
- And if you won’t go away when told… Come onnnnnnnnnnn… please??? Just go away!!!!