I’ve Decided to Get Married.

I came across a site I liked and felt I should do what most people do when they come across likable sites: Marry the webmaster. No the person doesn’t know me, and more than likely I’ll never meet him face to face- but that’s just details. I hate details.

I wrote him a proposal and shortly I’ll change my FB status to AMORE! (okay, probably not ‘love’ but he’s a major arse which means this marriage is inevitable and I really want to get my second one out of the way).

My letter:

Dear David,

I happened across your post a couple of years ago (the spider thing) and I thought it was absolutely brilliant. A week ago I read your permission slip post and then yesterday I decided to read the rest of your site.

You’re creative, humorous and most importantly- you’re an arse. This means I must now marry you. No worries, I don’t plan on moving (I live in Oregon, USA) and I’m a private person who enjoys living in my apartment with just me and my son. I also like my space, privacy plus I hate sharing a bed, my Buffy collection and my video games.

So this is how it’s going to play out: I’m not one for tradition, I plan on keeping my maiden name. You of course can take mine (it’s pronounced Ma-sue-oh-ka- Japanese name from my adopted father). I’d rather not go through the formalities of a wedding because those things tend bore me and they’re pretty much a “Look at me and compliment me!” type of affair. I’d rather people do that on a daily basis or not at all and DEFINITELY not because they feel forced.

You could ask my dad for permission to marry me… but I don’t really care for his permission or opinions and I’d probably think less of you if you did ask him ‘permission’. Seriously, what kind of girly man does that?

Now this is why it’s a good merger for you. I’m not ugly, in fact… if we were alone in a room, I’d more than likely be the prettiest woman there. I’m highly artistic- in fact, when I was in second grade I won the contest for drawing a picture of a goldfish. I named the gold fish Bubbles, it was orange. I’m also very intelligent because I can play most video games without needing a walkthrough guide to help me out AND I passed my drivers test on the first try (I think I did… it’s not a lie if you’re not sure, right?)

You don’t need to worry about buying me a ring, I’d probably just pawn it for a martini so you could just buy me a martini instead and save yourself from the ring sizing pain and hurting my feelings if you bought a ring a size too big or too small.

I don’t come from a wealthy family, in fact I barely talk to my family as is, and I’ve yet to come up with (and execute) a billion dollar idea to make myself independently wealthy… but I do have some PowerPuff Girl juicers that I think could really fetch quite a pretty penny in about fifty years, especially if the whole 2012 thing does happen and they’re discovered in mint condition after civilization rebuilds.

I do prefer long engagements, so you have about a week to warm up to the idea. I plan on spending our honeymoon probably at home or running errands; you’re free to spend it as you wish.

Well okay then, the pizza guy should be here shortly and I’ve got social site relationship statuses to update.

~Dawn M Masuoka

This entry was posted on Sunday, March 28th, 2010 at 3:01 pm and is filed under Recent. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.