In the midnight hour it’s all so clear
In my head in my heart there’s nothing to fear
I could pull someone down to my wonderful world
If I felt they were strong enough for this untypical girl
Right now the moon glows solely for me
And my wondrous eyes show me things only I can see
The wind blows through my journeyed soul
And it sooths old wounds that make me whole
I don’t need a man to take me away
Because I like it here and I’m willing to stay
I don’t need their drama and their empty words
Promises broken and their damaged goods
–I started to write this and I just stopped. Admittedly I grow annoyed during the Hallmark seasons because it tends to be a time of bragging.
Am I jaded or jealous? No. I don’t yearn or want or feel depressed <- odd assumption of the part of various people. I just like to enjoy my day without feeling like I’m being bashed over the head by everyone who thinks that if you’re alone you’re lonely. There are even times when I hear from coupled people throwing pity at me so much “Oh I’m sure you’ll find someone, it’s shocking that you’re still single!” where I actually fall for that crap! I’M SINGLE BECAUSE NO MAN I’VE DATED HAS BEEN WORTHY OF ME AND MY SON AND I’M HAPPY WITH MY LIFE- I DON’T FEEL THE NEED TO SEARCH!!!!!!! GAHHHH!!! DIE DIE DIE!!!!!
To be quite honest- I don’t feel like I’m ready to sacrifice my time and my self for a relationship. I have enough on my plate without throwing another body into the mix. To take it a step further- Yes, I’ve had offers of companionship recently that I shrugged off so I can play Arkham Asylum and enjoy my reflective quiet time that I actually cherish. Having company or going out honestly isn’t what I’m craving and I’m perfectly content with my evenings of solitude. I do what I always do, I just say… no! [well I try to say, "no thank you"]
“perfectly content with my evenings of solitude” <- Isn’t that bizarre how someone can actually enjoy being by themselves? :-\
I’m not a girly girl who surrounds herself with female friends, I find most women to lack cerebrally. They quite honestly do chatter about shoes and chick flicks– and men. Some even yammer about sports which is something I can’t stand even more than chick flicks and conversations about footwear.
Soooooo… while the single females are getting together on this night of the martyr to flirt, drink, and celebrate friendships, I think I’m going to chill for a bit and know that my life is perfectly great the way it is even though no one huzzah’s about the great independence and comfort you can feel living a solitary life. I’m huzzahing and that’s all that matters 
Yeah yeah I tend to be a holiday naysayer. I know this and one of these days I’ll let it all roll off of my back so that people may actually want to include me in the festivities one day should I choose to participate.
To all the non-annoying couples and singles out there who do celebrate V-Day or Chinese New Year or Anna Howard Shaw Day- I hope you had a good one and your celebration was one to warm the heart… HOWEVER- if you ever, for any reason, find yourself without a significant other- know it’s not a horrible life as long as you maintain a healthy and wonderful relationship within yourself. There’s no shame or sorrow in walking through life without a partner because there are some who can be awesome enough for two people- be that kind of person always, even if you do have someone.
I had totally forgotten about the Superbowl until the day of when I was wondering what people were talking about and my thought was merely ‘Oh.’ No one was going over the top or pulling me into conversations about it. It also wasn’t a school recognized holiday where I had to write card after card for my sons classmates [which is fun for me and him, like most holidays I like it when it's for the kids]
Me and my holiday rants! lol I was honestly not going to write about it until I had posted several positive things about being ones self etc, and I heard crickets. I knew I couldn’t be the only one in my social network who is alone… but apparently I was as everyone else did their bragging and praises towards the coupled. So… I just deleted everything I status updated and ventured here to my little safe haven.
I look forward to the day of complete disinterest! I’m almost there… For the most part I just block peoples updates. If I didn’t log onto FB, it really would have been another day.
Wow- It just hit me that being on Facebook poses the same question a therapist gave Angel [a vampire] as to why he drove a convertible in Southern California.
I had to look up the Angel/convertible thing. It’s not that often that Angel is put at such a complete disadvantage.
But we all have motivations and compulsions that we don’t understand, and that conflict with the way we *think* we really are.
lol Yeah I forget I’m perhaps the only person I know still immersed in the Jossverse.
For people who don’t know… here’s the conversation:
MAGEV: (as they sit inside chatting) Nice ride.
ANGEL: Sorry?
MAGEV: The car. Very slick.
ANGEL: Thanks.
MAGEV: What kind of mileage do you get with that thing?
ANGEL: I don’t know. 12 in the city, maybe.
MAGEV: Gas hog. Still, probably a chick magnet, right?
ANGEL: What? No.
MAGEV: If you say so.
ANGEL: I thought we were gonna talk about my problems.
MAGEV: That car is your problem, pal. Says everything about you.
ANGEL: The car.
MAGEV: Yes, the car. You live in L.A. It’s all about the car you drive.
ANGEL: I really don’t think …
MAGEV: Vampire, living in a city known for its sun — driving a convertible. Why do you hate yourself?
ANGEL: I don’t. I mean, I got a deal.
MAGEV: You got a deal. Why not a personalized license plate that says ‘irony’?
ANGEL: Top goes up.
MAGEV: Appearances. Very important to you.
ANGEL: That’s not true.
MAGEV: Sure it is. So important that you’re willing to put your eternal life at risk every time you hop into that thing. Top up or not.
ANGEL: It’s just a car.
MAGEV: Oh. So why all the layers, all the black? You know it’s been about 80 degrees in the shade lately.
ANGEL: No reason. I-I don’t have a body temperature so …
MAGEV: So it’s for the look.
ANGEL: No. It’s just this way I don’t have to worry about matching. I don’t have a reflection so …
MAGEV: Sure you do.
ANGEL: I do?
MAGEV: You’re reflected in the people around you. The way *they* see you. What do you think they see?
MAGEV: There are *two* you’s.
ANGEL: Two me’s.
MAGEV: The image you’ve worked so hard to create and the real you.
ANGEL: (takes off his jacket) Well, maybe my persona *is* a little — affected.
MAGEV: A little affected? Come on. How many warriors slated for the coming apocalypse do you think are gonna be using that hair gel? (Angel runs a hand through his hair) Don’t get me wrong — you’re out there fighting ultimate evil (Takes two wood staffs off the wall) you’re gonna want something with hold. But how do you expect to triumph over the soldiers of darkness when you’re still fighting yourself?
ANGEL: You think I’m fighting myself?
MAGEV: Let’s find out. (Throws Angel a staff.)