Perhaps the zombie uprising came and went and it really wasn’t what you thought it would be. 

Yes, initially it was terrifying. You lost a loved one(s), co-workers, people you hated, maybe even a limb or two… but once the sprays of blood ceased and the dust settled; zombies and the living got to the point where they just stood staring at each other asking the all important question “What now?”

Zombies apologized for the eating of the human flesh although at the time they didn’t know better. The living also explained that blowing off the heads of the undead just seemed like a natural step in self preservation and survival. No offense ya know?

Fast forward ten years after hammering out the polite society details and Zombies found their niche in the world by creating new programming for Fox. Feeding wasn’t much of an issue because they acquired a taste for rodents- therefore we additonally managed to keep our rat population down by keeping them on a healthy diet of GOP’s.

Although occuping space side by side became common place, there is a new discomfort of not knowing what to do with your zombie family member, spouse, co-worker, friend or neighbor.

You want to offer them the olive branch by taking them out or buying them a gift; where do you take them? What do you buy them? What *does* a zombie like to do on their off time or receive in a pretty box? Brains are a very uncomfortable topic that you should probably avoid for another generation or two.

This weekend I’ll  come up with advice on what to do when the unexpected happens and now you have to be polite.

Current Mood: mischievous

My First Annual “I can’t believe I sat through that crap- No Way in Hell I’m Giving You An Award Non-Ceremony”. Actually this may not be a first attempt. It could be an “I did this before but forgot to do it the next year- or the next one, but I’m going to attempt to make a habit of bitching about what was presented to us in media entertainment film/television because this is the time of year where people are praised for good work whereas no one mentions the junk they toss out to the general public that laps it up only to encourage another year of bad entertainment.”

Tonight I’m not going to dress up and present the following with any awards. Why? Because they sucked. There will be no music, no expensive hall rented and certainly no celebrity guests. The fact that I’m taking the time to even mention these films/actors is making me feel like I need to bathe after I post it.

2008
Worst Film Musical… Ever. Mamma Mia. I like Abba. I like Meryl Streep. I like Pierce Brosnan. I HATED this movie. My ears bled, then they scabbed over, then they bled some more… PLUS I have the damned song stuck in my head “Mamma Mia… Here I go again… my my…” I can’t plug my ears to get Pierce’s phantom singing voice out of my head.

Worst Suspense/Sci Fi: The Happening. Mark Walberg took bad acting to a whole new level in this very unthrilling tale about an airbourne threat that is coming from foliage… WHERE the people run INTO the fields and forests with uncovered faces… and I can’t write any more without screaming “OMG! WHAT IDIOTS LET THIS GET DISTRIBUTED???” Did no one learn after ‘Signs’??

Most Disappointing Video Game: PS2 Web of Shadows. Everything I saw for this video game had clips from the PS3 and Xbox 360 version… so when I got the game, imagine my shock when I saw it was a side scrolling 2D p.o.s. that cost $40.00. IF it was advertised correctly and 20.00 less for a brand new game, then I could see it… INSTEAD of after you purchase it it’s pointed out “Well it says Amazing Allies Edition” :-\

Your New Season Let Me Down: Heroes. That little spark it had in the first two seasons- was snuffed out. I’m not sure why or how, but someone thought that taking out the humor and personality was a good idea. Give it back.

Worst New Series: Kath and Kim. I’ve no words.

Reality Show: ALL- ENOUGH ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!! No more dancing. No more singing. No more whoring. No more “finding love amongst dozens”. NO MAS!!!!!

Worst Food: Fish Tacos. No, I still haven’t tasted them but it just sounds horrible. Maybe I should change it to “Worst sounding food”

Company:  It’s a toss up between Gamefly and Vonage. Gamefly because even with a ONE game rental per month, you’re lucky if you can get ONE game within that month and more than likely that ONE game will be on the very bottom of your very long two console queue.

Worst motivational phrase: “Treat customers like your life depended on it” 

Real conversation about my confusion on the saying:

Dawn: We’re now a part of the ‘family’??? 

xkoDESTROYEROFEARTHtFEARTHt if it’s a corporate motto we need to print up motivational posters with “looking down the barrel of a gun” …and in all caps “TREAT CUSTOMERS LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT” 

..i’m pretty sure a customer is not going to kill me if i do not treat them like i’m a new york city bellman looking for a huge tip 

Dawn You can say “Like our jobs depend on it”… yeah… it still sounds bullyish, but more realistic. Lives though??? 

xkoDESTROYEROFEARTHt…i’m not going to die if they lay me off 

Dawn Me neither… so I’m going to treat people like I will?

“OMG no no no… let me help you… PLEASE! I must… I don’t care if you’re not interested, you don’t get it… my life depends on it!” 

“I HAVE to help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” 

“OH DEAR GOD PLEASE LET ME SERVICE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” 

xkoDESTROYEROFEARTHt…ring, click, “OH GOD PLEASE DON’T SHOOT.. i mean this is Tom, can I get your name please” 

— And now for my personal voice that isn’t as judgmental.

I came home from work today and saw the cat on my back porch. The same cat that has slightly annoyed me with its presence over the past couple of nights. It would sit outside my patio and meow. Meow and scratch on the door. Scratch and meow… I will not get sucked in.

Last night I saw it sleeping on my lounge chair and I had to at least leave it some water. I had no clue where its owners were, or if it even had owners, but I’d rather it drink fresh water than perhaps anti-freeze or some other lethal mix that it might taste in desperation.

When I left for work in the morning I saw it still out there sleeping… moving… sleeping. I assumed it’d be gone by the time I got home. It wasn’t. It was still on my lounge chair and the water was untouched. I was now feeling a little concerned. 

The cat was barely moving so I went out there with some food and left it next to the cat. Obviously it was ill. A healthy cat would jump up at seeing food or even a human approaching it. It didn’t even flinch. It basically laid there unable to even meow and then went back to sleep.

I got on the phone with the Humane Society and asked them what I should do. With two cats in the house I wasn’t about to bring it in. I also wasn’t about to touch it or try to capture it in any way… I had no idea if it was diseased and I do not wish to expose my son to anything, not to mention my cats.

The lady on the phone sounded grim and said from the sound of it- the cat didn’t sound like it had long to live. When they just lay there, disinterested, not eating- it usually means it’s at the end of its life. I asked if I could put my name on file in case any one calls in looking for it- and then the lady said to call if/when it doesn’t wake up and she’ll give me the number of the people I can call who can remove the body.

I talked to the cat a little longer and tried to urge it to eat- turned on the porch light when the sun finally set and continued on with my evening with Jonathon. All of a sudden in the corner of my eye I saw the cat sitting outside of the door cleaning itself. S/HE/IT LIVES!!!!

The cat ate the food finally and drank the water, found its strength and went on its way. Oh I’m sure it’ll be back, but the dreaded feeling of having to remove a kitty corpse from my back porch was not something I was looking forward to. 

I’m glad the kitty lives. Now I don’t have to feel guilty that a dying cat is outside my door while Stan practically sits on my head tangling his paw in my hair while writing this.

…

Last month we put together 3D Puzzle robots… this month it’s Star Wars-Fighters! I’m planning on doing a whole fleet!

The fighter shown is actual size and working- Jonathon is of course a giant and makes it look tiny. If you look closely, you can see the pilot hitting the glass begging to be set free. Aww, cute little scared fighter driver (heh- get it… fighter driver… derived from chopper driver… nvm)

Facebook Blows A Whopper Of An Opportunity

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Well it happened. The digital conversion for Comcast customers took place and I discovered it this morning when I woke up and rendered unable to do anything about it while I was at work.

How did I discover it? I went to watch Angel this morning like I do every morning when I get ready for work. I view TNT from 5:30 – 6:30 am except for this morning.

Despite having two converter boxes for my bedroom televisions and an HDTV, no digital channels were being picked up.

Why weren’t they being picked up? Well if you have an HDTV and you get your channels through a simple cable instead of through a box, then you still have to get a converter. I did not know this until many hours after speaking with India and finally state side (the outsourced team had no clue what was going on- they just kept beaming signals…). My converter boxes finally did work- but thankfully the stateside folks explained that when the signals are sent, since thousands have been going out simultaneously it would take longer than the few seconds the outsourced team was saying “We just sent it… try now”.

Anyway. I did feel like I spent two hours of my life I could never get back with my over seas frustration with “Milton”- the outsourced guy I spoke to on my break at work this afternoon and when I got home, but the lady I spoke to lastly did assist. I’m going to get an HD box and pay a little extra a month for my HDTV box- mainly because I want to make the most of my HDTV and it’ll be worth it to me. I’ve cut out a lot of frills in my life, it’ll be worth it.

It’s funny, I didn’t realize how much television is a part of my life until it was almost gone. What happened when it was taken away this morning?

I shaved not ten… but twenty freaking minutes off of my getting ready time. I had NO idea how much of my morning was spent watching Angel instead of convincing myself it was background noise. I was actually with make up… hair done… AND dressed at 6:07 a.m. So the question I need to ask myself is if I should sleep in an extra twenty minutes or enjoy the Joss Whedon-verse.

SO if you’re from an area that doesn’t switch over until February- be prepared. If you were told you didn’t need a converter because you have a HDTV… you might have been misinformed… sadly like I was

At least my trial and error is over with and I only had a day of inconvenience.

Oddly I based whether or not I’d become more cerebral where I’d read/write depending on the digital transition. Due to the ease of the conversion and now all my sets are taken care of, apparently that’s my answer. My destiny is to be a mindless television zombie.

I must now go and find a decent drool catcher so I don’t ruin my clothing whilst zoning in front of the television for hours on end. Comcast has spoken.

I’m not sure what I’m trying to do with that title, but once you read on you’ll understand… I hope.

First of all I’m giving myself a couple pats on the back.

1. It’s officially the fifth month milestone for smoking cessation. Yes I quit cold turkey and strictly by will power and not once did I ever take even a drag. I’ve completely quit… finis! Moving on…

2. My last paycheck I had my US Bank loan not renewed which was a huge sting in my $$ HOWEVER, since my student loan was finished, thankfully the ouch wasn’t as bad as it would have been had the garnishment continued. THIS paycheck I was slightly concerned because I missed a few hours due to the dreadful weather and running out of sick time. I was and *am* actually shocked to see that I was able to pay my bills, my extra bills AND buy holiday gifts for the family when they did a last minute get together (the first time I’ve been able to do that in years!). So this is what happens when I get my fully earned paycheck? I can afford to LIVE????

3rd and lastly I have assembled a laptop caddy which has completely transformed my computer usage.

In 2007 I threw out my desk when I placed my desktop pc in the closet and solely used the laptop. It’s been a wonderful change, however, not once could I find comfort in using the laptop, which in turn has made it nearly impossible to find motivation to sit and write anything with some substance.

So, aside from being able to purchase something useful, buying gifts for people, and feeling that huge weight lifted off me as I smile with the no-smoking accomplishment, I have also purchased a new wallet (small thing I had been putting off for ages) AND a new read

Film: I saw Mamma Mia and I am feeling the regret. I was told that I should just see the stage version and I’m in agreement. The film was awful. The film was awful on so many levels and now I regret having named my beloved son after Pierce Brosnan (his middle name is Pierce). That’s all I have to say about that.

Browsers: Google Chrome. I still seriously love it as well as the gmail lab. I do. I love it. I’m going to marry it… I’ve started out on the invitations and hopefully you will all receive it soon.

Concepts: The toilet seat scale. :-\ I see it as something to enable eating disorders, competitions between roommates… and I think curiosity would cause probably each and everyone of us to get one.

Awards: I was talking to a friend today about how I had felt horrible for writing an article on another site which accidentally insulted this woman’s deceased daughter. I seriously didn’t even write it about her daughter, but her daughter was in a copy/paste portion from a local news story where I couldn’t understand how a man just across the way had crossed the freeway and wound up killed- only days after it happened to someone else. I was writing about the trauma of the person who hit the guy for doing this horribly STUPID act. I titled the article “New Candidates for the Darwin Awards.” I went on to tell him that I took it down out of respect and how it was a Pulitzer winning piece that came complete with the pictures I took of the high way that was at a stand still with the cops/firetrucks/ambulances etc.

I got a good a decent laugh when I was interrupted from my work moments later with my own Pulitzer It’s AWESOME! I’m going to frame it.

Well that’s all I have for now. How I Met Your Mother is on and I’m a gonna watch it over my freakingly wonderful laptop caddy.

Current Mood: Amused