My First Annual “I can’t believe I sat through that crap- No Way in Hell I’m Giving You An Award Non-Ceremony”. Actually this may not be a first attempt. It could be an “I did this before but forgot to do it the next year- or the next one, but I’m going to attempt to make a habit of bitching about what was presented to us in media entertainment film/television because this is the time of year where people are praised for good work whereas no one mentions the junk they toss out to the general public that laps it up only to encourage another year of bad entertainment.”
Tonight I’m not going to dress up and present the following with any awards. Why? Because they sucked. There will be no music, no expensive hall rented and certainly no celebrity guests. The fact that I’m taking the time to even mention these films/actors is making me feel like I need to bathe after I post it.
2008
Worst Film Musical… Ever. Mamma Mia. I like Abba. I like Meryl Streep. I like Pierce Brosnan. I HATED this movie. My ears bled, then they scabbed over, then they bled some more… PLUS I have the damned song stuck in my head “Mamma Mia… Here I go again… my my…” I can’t plug my ears to get Pierce’s phantom singing voice out of my head.
Worst Suspense/Sci Fi: The Happening. Mark Walberg took bad acting to a whole new level in this very unthrilling tale about an airbourne threat that is coming from foliage… WHERE the people run INTO the fields and forests with uncovered faces… and I can’t write any more without screaming “OMG! WHAT IDIOTS LET THIS GET DISTRIBUTED???” Did no one learn after ‘Signs’??
Most Disappointing Video Game: PS2 Web of Shadows. Everything I saw for this video game had clips from the PS3 and Xbox 360 version… so when I got the game, imagine my shock when I saw it was a side scrolling 2D p.o.s. that cost $40.00. IF it was advertised correctly and 20.00 less for a brand new game, then I could see it… INSTEAD of after you purchase it it’s pointed out “Well it says Amazing Allies Edition” :-\
Your New Season Let Me Down: Heroes. That little spark it had in the first two seasons- was snuffed out. I’m not sure why or how, but someone thought that taking out the humor and personality was a good idea. Give it back.
Worst New Series: Kath and Kim. 
I’ve no words.
Reality Show: ALL- ENOUGH ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!! No more dancing. No more singing. No more whoring. No more “finding love amongst dozens”. NO MAS!!!!!
Worst Food: Fish Tacos. No, I still haven’t tasted them but it just sounds horrible. Maybe I should change it to “Worst sounding food”
Company: It’s a toss up between Gamefly and Vonage. Gamefly because even with a ONE game rental per month, you’re lucky if you can get ONE game within that month and more than likely that ONE game will be on the very bottom of your very long two console queue.
Worst motivational phrase: “Treat customers like your life depended on it”
Real conversation about my confusion on the saying:
Dawn: We’re now a part of the ‘family’???
xkoDESTROYEROFEARTHtFEARTHt if it’s a corporate motto we need to print up motivational posters with “looking down the barrel of a gun” …and in all caps “TREAT CUSTOMERS LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT”
..i’m pretty sure a customer is not going to kill me if i do not treat them like i’m a new york city bellman looking for a huge tip
Dawn You can say “Like our jobs depend on it”… yeah… it still sounds bullyish, but more realistic. Lives though???
xkoDESTROYEROFEARTHt…i’m not going to die if they lay me off
Dawn Me neither… so I’m going to treat people like I will?
“OMG no no no… let me help you… PLEASE! I must… I don’t care if you’re not interested, you don’t get it… my life depends on it!”
“I HAVE to help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“OH DEAR GOD PLEASE LET ME SERVICE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
xkoDESTROYEROFEARTHt…ring, click, “OH GOD PLEASE DON’T SHOOT.. i mean this is Tom, can I get your name please”
— And now for my personal voice that isn’t as judgmental.
I came home from work today and saw the cat on my back porch. The same cat that has slightly annoyed me with its presence over the past couple of nights. It would sit outside my patio and meow. Meow and scratch on the door. Scratch and meow… I will not get sucked in.
Last night I saw it sleeping on my lounge chair and I had to at least leave it some water. I had no clue where its owners were, or if it even had owners, but I’d rather it drink fresh water than perhaps anti-freeze or some other lethal mix that it might taste in desperation.
When I left for work in the morning I saw it still out there sleeping… moving… sleeping. I assumed it’d be gone by the time I got home. It wasn’t. It was still on my lounge chair and the water was untouched. I was now feeling a little concerned.
The cat was barely moving so I went out there with some food and left it next to the cat. Obviously it was ill. A healthy cat would jump up at seeing food or even a human approaching it. It didn’t even flinch. It basically laid there unable to even meow and then went back to sleep.
I got on the phone with the Humane Society and asked them what I should do. With two cats in the house I wasn’t about to bring it in. I also wasn’t about to touch it or try to capture it in any way… I had no idea if it was diseased and I do not wish to expose my son to anything, not to mention my cats.
The lady on the phone sounded grim and said from the sound of it- the cat didn’t sound like it had long to live. When they just lay there, disinterested, not eating- it usually means it’s at the end of its life. I asked if I could put my name on file in case any one calls in looking for it- and then the lady said to call if/when it doesn’t wake up and she’ll give me the number of the people I can call who can remove the body.
I talked to the cat a little longer and tried to urge it to eat- turned on the porch light when the sun finally set and continued on with my evening with Jonathon. All of a sudden in the corner of my eye I saw the cat sitting outside of the door cleaning itself. S/HE/IT LIVES!!!!
The cat ate the food finally and drank the water, found its strength and went on its way. Oh I’m sure it’ll be back, but the dreaded feeling of having to remove a kitty corpse from my back porch was not something I was looking forward to.
I’m glad the kitty lives. Now I don’t have to feel guilty that a dying cat is outside my door while Stan practically sits on my head tangling his paw in my hair while writing this.
…
Last month we put together 3D Puzzle robots… this month it’s Star Wars-Fighters! I’m planning on doing a whole fleet!
The fighter shown is actual size and working- Jonathon is of course a giant and makes it look tiny. If you look closely, you can see the pilot hitting the glass begging to be set free. Aww, cute little scared fighter driver (heh- get it… fighter driver… derived from chopper driver… nvm)
The cat thing … I have a somewhat similar problem. A friendly cat started hanging around my back-yard a couple of years ago, so I started putting out food for her. She’s still around, but there’s no way I’ll ever let her in the house. (Oh, she ran inside a couple of times, but eventually came out again.) Now she lives in the greenhouse.
Then, a somewhat less friendly but still tolerable cat started hanging around, so I left food for him also. (And yes, he ran inside a couple of times, but I managed to shoo him out.)
Then, 4 months ago, an extremely unfriendly feral cat showed up. With her five unfriendly feral kittens! Eating my food and hissing at me. At least they don’t want to come inside. But still, it’s a bit much. (They’re better than the skunks and raccoons and other wildlife that sometimes show up to eat the cat food. If I had some way to do so, I’d attach a photo of a large turtle eating the cat food.)
8 cats hanging around the back-yard! I’m becoming something like those crazy cat-ladies, and I don’t even particularly like cats. Give me a dog over a cat any day of the week.
Save yourself! Stop putting out food when the weather gets a little warmer.
LOL I feel for you!!!! That’s hilarious. What’s up with them getting meaner???!
I will definitely take your advice and stop the food flow when the warmer weather comes… What temperature would that be the difference between cruel and being able to sleep at night?
I don’t think you’re running much risk of attracting a huge following of cats or other wildlife for a period of a month or two, so you could probably hold off until spring if you were just worried about attracting new furry friends. As for whether you would be able to make the original cat leave after feeding it for that long … that’s might be a little trickier.
I guess I could talk to it like I would someone I’m dating… I guarantee it would prefer the harsh elements and starvation.
“How come you didn’t call last night? Yes I know you mentioned seeing your ill Grandmother and being surrounded by family… and they’re Amish.” “So what you’re saying is that I’m fat???” “Okay, what did you mean by that?” “I saw you looking at her… you think she’s prettier than me, don’t you? You love her!!! OMG!!!! I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!”
I’m not sure that would work on everyone … or at least not on all cats.
Nope, this one seems to be the masochistic type. GAH! I don’t see this ending well.
Probably just gradually cutting back the portion will work. That gives the cat time to learn to fend for itsefl. When the portion size reaches zero, the cat probably won’t come back.