24: Redemption (NR) 11/25/08 A television movie that bridges the gap between the 6th and 7th season of the series. 24 is perhaps my biggest self kick in the pants. When this came out I was stoked. It was the first season and when it was on- I was there! Life revolved around it and then bring Season two into the picture. The first few episodes it was practically the same thing “YES! This is AWESOME!” and then a few events came up and I had to choose friends over the show (I was too dumb to record the episodes). By the time I was able to get back into it… well I figured I’d just wait until it came out on DVD.
Back then it took ages for a show to come out on DVD- so I never watched it past 2.2. I guess now I have an impressive marathon of 24 to pop in my DVD player… but not just now, not just yet. So no friends, I will not be renting this one, yet.
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Conjurer (NR) 11/25/08 A young couple becomes convinced that the cabin on their new country property is haunted when the spirit of the deceased sorceress who once lived there begins to manifest itself in a variety of deadly and terrifying ways.
Starring: Maxine Bahns, Andrew Bowen
More than likely I’ll watch this in secret and never tell anyone. You won’t be able to pull up the footage at the Redbox because I’ll be wearing a trench coat and sun glasses- along with a wig. I won’t tell you what color wig. I would have passed this film up completely because the cover reminds me of a The Crow sequel… and the synopsis is lame; but it received 3 stars by Hollywood Video standards and now I’m curious. And because the cover reminds me of a The Crow sequel.
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Dead of Winter (R) 11/25/08
A young couple find themselves lost in the woods after having been drugged at a New Year’s Eve party. Aka Lost Signal.
Starring: Al Santos, Sandra McCoy
More than likely I’ll watch this on a night I wish to argue with some one- like a screen writer, director who can’t see or hear me. I’ll call it “Vodka Night.”
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Fred Claus (PG) 11/25/08 11/25/08
Santa’s jealous big brother Fred is headed to the North Pole just in time for Christmas.
Starring: Vince Vaughn, Paul Giamatti
Vince- loved him since Swingers. Paul… awesome in Sideways- will I continue to love them after viewing this movie? Do I want to risk the relationship? I will more than likely pause for a few weeks and then watch it a few days shy of Christmas when I’m feeling all nostalgic and I’m lazy… at a Redbox located at McDonalds when I’m sponateously too lazy to cook and too much in a hurry to grab decent take out.
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Hancock (PG-13) 11/25/08 11/25/08 A hard-living superhero who has fallen out of favor with the public enters into a questionable relationship with the wife of the public relations professional who’s trying to repair his image.
Starring: Will Smith, Jason Bateman, Charlize Theron
I saw this film and felt misled by the description. The story didn’t begin unti the very end and it was thrown together so poorly that I highly doubt there will be a sequel. This film was a huge mistake that could have been a HUGE blockbuster if written correctly. I did like this movie- the concept, the premise and I was soooooooooo disappointed in it at the same time. save yourself the heartache and only rent it if they do decide to redo it the right way- or continue it the right way.
An amnesiac super hero discovers he’s really a God in this Shakespearian-esque story of heroics and love.
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Kemper (R) 11/25/08 A film based on the true story of Ed Kemper, a serial killer who murdered ten women in Santa Cruz during the late 60s and early 70s.
Starring: Robert Sisko, Christopher Stapleton
It’s not a definite on my list, but perhaps I’ll take a gander. What comes to mind is the Zodiac Killer. Is there a need to churn out a true serial killer film every 2 years or so? Are we in desperate need of a reminder that monsters walk among us? Why do I keep watching?
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Meet Dave (PG) 11/25/08 A crew of miniature aliens operate a spaceship that has a human form.
Starring: Eddie Murphy, Gabrielle Union
This movie will probably have 50 sequels and a prequel. I hope I can boast that my eyes remain immune from… ah hell… it almost sounds like Inner Space. Should it happen to be on in an in flight movie or a freebie on Hulu- I may watch.
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Merlin and the War of the Dragons (NR) 11/25/08 An army of dragons invade the crippled English countryside and the apprentice wizard Merlin must confront the fire-breathing beasts.
Starring: Jurgen Prochnow, Iona Thonger..
It is a requirement that every generation has a few of these films made and watched… well I met the quota of viewership of this genre to keep myself in the nerd category, I can safely skip this one and I think I will.
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Santa and Pete (NR) 11/25/08 A grandfather shares the story of St. Nick with his grandchildren in this tale of a man who brought the Old World tradition of gift giving into the New World.
Starring: James Earl Jones, Hume Cronyn
James Earl Jones has done SO much over such a grand amount of time *I keep saying Mufasa in my head mainly because I love the way it sounds* and HELLYA to Darth Vader, not to mention of course his prominent roles that helped to shape American culture in film. But this film… I see it as a USA or Family network view five years from now when I’m flipping through channels bored out of my mind and PMSing, in dire need of some sentimental tripe to remind me I have a soul as I’m sitting, surrounded by mountains of wept upon tissues.
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Slap Shot 3: The Junior League (PG) 11/25/08 A group of underdogs proves that with a little hard work and a whole lot of spirit, even the impossible is possible.
Starring: Leslie Nielsen, Ryan McDonell
Really? REALLY? Someone actually spent money and held auditions to get this created? Seriously? Leslie Nielsen stars? Really? For every film Leslie Nielsen does- I picture him before hand flipping off the audiences and laughing about how we’ll watch ‘anything’. Kudos to a continuing of films and a massive assist in the dumbing down of America- how I wish I had that power, but not even on my most shameful, drunken, self loathing night should I ever view this film.
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Space Chimps (G) 11/25/08 Two NASA chimps find themselves on a strange, uncharted planet where they embark on a fantastical journey to save its inhabitants from a tyrannical leader.
Starring: Andy Samberg, Patrick Warburton…
Jonathon wants to see it- more than likely I’ll be writing or blogging during his viewing of the movie, occasionally looking up and then declare the film a waste of time based on the full five minutes I wind up devoting because something grabs my attention and then quickly loses it.
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The Town That Banned Christmas (G) 11/25/08 The competition heats up at the annual Christmas decorating contest when Norbert Bridges moves to town and stirs up trouble with the reigning champion Donnie Manning. When the town outlaws Christmas after things spin out of control, it’s up to the feuding neighbors to save Christmas.
Starring: Matt McCoy, Jane Sibbett…
Okay, I’m waiting on the modern twist of A Christmas Carol now… Ooooh they forgot the film with the orphans who warm the heart of cruel EO who curses Christmas and anyone who celebrates because when he was 16 all he wanted was to get laid and that never happened… despite the fact that he was Jewish and didn’t celebrate Christmas… but he converted just to feel justified in cursing out Santa who is the new savior of the Christian religion (no offense to Christians… but come on- Santa is Whitey aka ‘da man’ and you pay homage to him with your racial ‘black Friday’- you people make me sick…)
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Two Tigers (R) 11/25/08 A female assassin and a high-class call girl become friends and help each other overcome personal and professional obstacles.
Starring: Selena Khoo, Jay Natelle
Rated R for sexuality, nudity, violence and language.
I won’t be watching this… but I imagine just about every male I know will have a copy before Sunday.
