Dear Dawn,
It’s me… you. Sort of you. I’m you many years from now and if you’re reading this, then I’ve found a way to send letters to myself in the past. There are theories about time and space travel, perhaps I found a way to reach through and give you a heads up on life. Obviously I have. You’re smart enough in which I’m sure you’ll understand all I’m going to tell you, despite the boring fact there won’t be any pictures or drawings attached.
I won’t reveal too much as some things need to be experienced first hand. Hopefully many of those things can be avoided by pausing now and then and thinking before you act and never do anything because you’re scared of what people might think of you if you don’t. Trust me, all those people who you had felt intimidated by were faded memories shortly after never to be seen or heard from again.
1. You are not ugly, stupid or weird. You’re just a little shy and insecure and you need to get over that. People are too worried about themselves to focus on you.
2. That guy you had a crush on all through out elementary school (Greg Veltkamp), yeah… you crushed on him until Jr. High. He rendered you speechless, fumbling, clumsy, causing you to blush, and preoccupied your mind 90% of the time. No worries. He never asks you out, you move away and you never see him again. He never thought you were a dork though and not once was he ever mean to you (I know you always worried about that). It’s healthy to have a crush, it’s not healthy to allow it to consume you. He was cute though, but trust me, you’ll meet and date much cuter guys through out the years. That’s right- YOU WILL KISS A BOY! Several actually and none of them think you’re an ugly stupid dork either. (okay, maybe you can be a little dorky, but I like to call it quirky and adorable.)
3. No matter how tough things might seem at home, it’s tougher out in the big world. You’ll wind up discovering that the hard way first hand. I’m not sure how to advise you there. I know why you felt the need to escape and the dangers you faced by doing so. Just be careful… okay?
4. Ponytail. You’ll scoff at your mother’s year book pictures but you have to believe me on this- in the 80’s we didn’t get the styles right. Pull your hair back in a ponytail and keep it that way until the 90’s. You can do it. AVOID THE FADS.
5. Talk to a counselor about learning alternatives. You’re a very smart girl and there are ways to excel in school. You aren’t dumb, you learn differently. To be honest, you’re probably smarter than 95% of the people in your school. Sadly, unless you seek help you’ll never realize your potential and you’ll shut yourself out of a higher education that you truly deserve and could have benefited from.
6. Never stop drawing or writing. When you get your first computer and you transfer your first book onto it… DO NOT THROW AWAY THE MANUSCRIPT and save it to a disk as you go along. You probably have no idea what that means, but sear it in your mind and remember it.
7. You will experience a lot of grief, sadness and sorrow. You already have. It’s a part of life. You aren’t jinxed or cursed. People die and people go away, but don’t allow that to keep you from getting close to people who want to be a part of your life. Enjoy every day and moment with the people who are around you. If you opt to shut people out, by the time you finally allow your walls to come down, there will be no one to let in. You’ll encounter many moments in which you could really use a friend and it’s more difficult to be in this journey if you go it alone.
8. You’ll age gracefully, but ease up on the junk food. It’s true what they say, “A moment on the lips a life time on the hips.” No worries, you’ll never become obese, but you’ll have some trouble spots that cause you to hide in the shade during swim suit season.
9. If you meet a boy named Jay when you’re 13- STAY AWAY. Just stay away. He’s like your Greg Veltkamp, but worse… and he’s interested in you, but not the way you deserve. You don’t need more scholastic distractions! You’ll wind up life long friends with him, but nothing more and believe me when I say, “That’s a good thing.”
10. OH- when you shop for your first computer- get a MAC.
11. I could tell you all the men to stay away from, but I think by following #9, you may not have to worry about falling for the rest.
12. Ease up on yourself. You’re your own worst critic and you aren’t as bad as you think. Through the years you won’t find yourself growing brighter and stronger, you’ll merely allow yourself to shine.
From some of the choices you’ve made- I’m writing this as a divorced 36 year old woman who has had ONE date in the past three years. Two kids (one who is almost 20… do the math) I love them with my entire soul, but I was never able to provide for them the way they deserve. I work at an unappreciative job in Salem Oregon (yeah- Oregon… I never heard of it before either and there are reasons for that). If you wind up finding yourself basing where you spend your future by spinning a globe and you’ll go where your finger lands- Take the freaking New York or Chicago job. Don’t opt for starting from scratch in a town you will NOT like… ever.
I love you and I’m always proud of you. There’s a lot to love and to be proud of, but I feel for the most part our life was made more difficult than it should have been. Keep day dreaming, talking to the animals and never lose that spark- just don’t ignore the world around you. It needs you as much you as you need it- ever part of it.
OH! Eat all the ice cream and oranges you can because when you turn 17 or 18 you’ll develop an allergy and intolerance. Shhhh… don’t cry… maybe if you didn’t I really would have wound up unhealthily obese. AND if it makes you feel better, you do wind up as tall and taller than your brothers and dad. 
Yeah, if you *wanted* to you could totally kick their butts!
Wow. This hits very close to home. But remember, All the descisions, good and bad, and all the events, good and bad, have made you who you are. Now of course, if you don’t LIKE who you are…..but personally, I think your pretty cool!
PS, MOVE EAST!….That is all:)
lol Thank you. I *do* like who I am, however, I don’t feel I had to have gone through all I’ve been through to be who I am. For the most part I’ve always stayed true to myself… but some things weren’t necessary.
I had a dream that the letter made it to the younger me and I did make different choices… and woke up just as I am. Perhaps multiple paths lead to one destination.
Interesting thought. Perhaps the choices we make define who we are, but not ALL choices contribute equally. Interesting thought. So you really think that some descissions you made had NO effect on who you are today? I guess it just seems wierd to me because it seems like EVERY decission I ever made was intrigal to me becomeing who I am.
See- that’s the thing, there’s no way to know. Some of my decisions that I find utterly stupid… it’s had no impact. I do 360′s all the time. A long windy road to get back to where I started.
In my younger years I can see the effect- the past several years… not so much. I’m not building character, I’m buying time. Time for what? I’ve no clue.
And then I think about the longer past, and I wonder… “What if who I am is merely who I am regardless of the situations or cirumstance?” Maybe the only thing that would change would be scenery.
Well, I am a firm beliver in “Nurture” over “Nature”. I do not belive that who we are is pre-defined. I belive that the same person, placed in two different enviorments, would have two totally different personalities. Of course there is no way to prove this, but it helps me sleep at night:)