I think primarily having my life take place in the work and home environment it doesn’t give me a lot of opportunity for insight. My brain has turned into its own DVR and I can’t tell if I’m truly content or I’m mentally broken. Phase one of being a Stepford wife without the husband.
Even my dreams are television tainted. This past weekend I dreamt that I was a contestant on Bret Michael’s Rock of Love 2. On the plus side, they had to take me and place me in a separate environment until the final two shows took place because he was so into me that I forgot about all the other girls. The downside is- EW. I liked Bret Michaels for a split second when I was 15 and felt immediately he was a mindless one note rocker who not only wanted to get into a women’s panties, but wanted to wear their panties as well. Seriously, dude still looks like a lady.
The dream disturbed me.
I’ve also caught a peek at American Idol for the first time since it’s been on -ever. The judges bored me, the contestants were so staged. As a child I could have come up with a better idea and execution for a show. The only reason I didn’t was because… well I was a child and I wasn’t allowed to call Hollywood.
What prompted this? An episode of the Simpson’s last night. I used to be idealistic! I used to be passionate over various issues! I used to have a zillion thoughts on a zillion topics!!! These days it’s, “I truly don’t care as long as it doesn’t increase taxes or inconvenience me in any way.
Am I a victim of television?
I guess it’s premature to call myself a television addict as I’m not addicted to any shows, I don’t watch talk shows, I don’t watch reality shows unless I’m completely bored- and even then I see it for what it is, cheap, staged entertainment for the brainless, I don’t watch soap operas… Over all, television is a back ground noise for when I’m on the computer. And when I’m not on the computer, I’m watching movies, and when I’m not watching movies I’m playing video games! WHEW! I’m not addicted to TV! I’m addicted to everything else that needs a monitor!
Thank God. I feel so much better now. 
I think for the most part, having the steady stream of writing my thoughts on this platform, posting science/tech news that interests me causes me to have a constant release. It’s not that I don’t retain everything, I guess I’m not holding on to a zillion a thoughts in which they begin to boil desperately wanting to explode into conversations.
In addition to that, I also have a conversation flow going through the day.
Maybe I’m not broken, maybe I just finally have outlets that allow it to be quiet inside my head.
